So Much Smarter Now

And in my continuing drive to annoy people with homebrew lyrics, this one has to do with a conversation I had with an older believer. She said to me a very wise thing. "Jon, in all your angst over evangelicalism, don't forfeit your first love." In honor of that truth, which I definitely take to heart (and am taking, present tense):


So Much Smarter Now

I sometimes tremble in frustration
To speak your name makes people turn their heads away
Away.
I wish it were because they hate you
But it is because of things we do in your name while we pray,
I pray.
I want to tell the world I love you
That my passion burns within like red-hot coals
But whatever can this fool say or do
To prove my Blessed Hope is real and can indwell their souls
Sweet souls.

Jesus, forgive me for my failure.
Jesus, forgive me for my sin
Jesus, forgive me for not believing
That love's gospel still will touch the broken heart within
Within

I remember how it was at sixteen years
I was so broken empty screaming for an answer,
Answer!
But now I’m clever, know so much nothing
Forget that first love’s desperation and the conflagration
Pure fire.
I will tell the world I love you
Precious gold in cracked and ugly earthen pot
Better to fail at love than never love at all
Dear One help me cuz I fall a lot

Jesus, forgive me for my failure.
Jesus, forgive me for my sin
Jesus, forgive me for not believing
That the gospel still will touch the broken heart within
Within

I refuse to mock the lovers as they kiss your lips
I refuse to walk away from homeless souls
I refuse to be my own worst enemy
I learn to obey the still small voice inside me
That says…

I love you, won’t you love me too?
I love you, won’t you love me too?
Love yourself enough to believe what's true
I love you, dear one… I love you.